You are part of a team that has been together a long time. You are pretty close and casual with each other. Candace is a newer member of the team and your manager asked Sean to mentor her. You've noticed that Sean helps and informs Candy and lends her a lot of support but he also jokes a lot. You were told that someone overheard him say, "If that skirt was two inches shorter, I'd consider recommending a raise for you." You personally heard him ask her if she's "as sweet as she sounds." Yes, Sean digs Candy.
Except her name is Candace and you can tell she's pretty uncomfortable. She's asked Sean to refer to her by her full name more than once with no luck. His response is,"Lighten up, it's casual here. We're family." Candace has told members of the team that she hasn't gone to the boss because she is worried that rocking the boat over Sean's comments about her dress, appearance and love life would go badly. Her career is important to her and she doesn't want to be branded as too sensitive or as a troublemaker. Besides, he's a family man, right? A good guy. Her mentor and guide. She thinks that maybe she's being too sensitive.
Today you heard Sean leaned over her desk to touch her neck and ask, "Are those cute little freckles everywhere?"
Through gritted teeth she answered, "I work better without your interruptions and personal comments."
That did it. You know you have to do or say something but what?
Discussion
First, ask Sean to meet with you alone. When you do, tell Sean what you have been observing and give specifics. Be direct about the impact you believe his behavior is having on Candace and the team. If he responds with denial saying that he's just kidding around or that she seems to like it, make it clear that you don't and the behaviors you've seen are inappropriate, unprofessional and against policy. You may even want to have a copy of the harassment policy to share with him.
Sean may respond in many ways. He may say that it's none of your business. Your response, "It is because this is my workplace too." He may say that he's heard you tell the sexy joke or make the risque statement too so who are you to talk? Your response is, "If I've done that, it was inappropriate of me too and I'll apologize and stop."
By the end of the conversation, make it clear that he's now informed of the negative impact of his comments and actions and they need to stop. Also, make it clear that if they don't, you will take the next step and go to your manager or human resources.
If he won't, harassment is against the law. You have clear legal ground to stand on and a duty to act. Use your internal systems. Usually that means that you report the behavior to your manager and/or the H.R. department directly and in writing and make written records of all such incidents you have observed. Remember, you have a responsibility to do so for the good of your team and department and company. Don't get frozen by thinking about how your action will have a negative impact on Sean. It was his actions that triggered whatever happens to him. You're just reporting on them. Also, if you are concerned about repercussions, remember that you are protected by law from retaliation.
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